Monday, November 12, 2012

Last year and heading home

As you know, last year at this time we were in Sofia, Bulgaria picking up our three kids.  It was beyond hard for us during that time.   Not knowing if we'd make it.  Not knowing if what was on the medicals for Logan was true.  Was he losing his mind?  Was the behavior too overpowering for even us to handle?  By that I mean a family that has dealt w/ FAS, RAD, PTSD, ODD, and every other name you can throw out there.  We honestly did not know.  But, we knew we loved them and had to try.  Also, knowing you'd be back on your own turf was hope enough.

I won't say exactly all that we went through as it is in the Nov. 2011 section of the blog.  It started w/ Logan trying to pull his tooth out.

Reni had every right to be ticked off.  We all were.

Bloody molar.  

Smug look, so proud of himself.  See, since the banging of his head on the wall wasn't getting our attention, he thought he should yank his tooth out that was NOT loose.  Crazy.  he was purely just doing it out of spite.  The night before we left.  This was at 2am mind you!  We had to leave at 4am!  URGHH!!!  

I'll spare you the details.  From going spread eagle to the entrance of our first plane refusing to board to Logan kicking the people in front of his seat, I'm not sure what we were going to do.  He was angry b/c we picked out his clothes.  He wanted to change pants.  So what did he do to try to be 'smart?'  Why pee all over himself on the first flight home.  The look on his face was priceless when Warren told him all his clothes were in the suitcase under the plane.  One of the flights the attendant was concerned b/c Warren was restraining him.  So, he let him go.  Flight attendant then agreed Logan needed to be restrained or someone was going to get seriously hurt.  I felt bad for the people that he kept kicking.  Took him to the back of the plane & tried to allow the stewardesses to talk w/ him.  Umm, he cussed at them and gave smug looks.  They kept comforting me!  LOL.  Wishing me good luck w/ him.  Also, after that little meeting they questioned absolutely nothing we did.  Hey, sometimes you just have to let them experience it.  It must look strange at first when Warren is holding Logan's hands together at the wrist.  But, unless you want him to punch someone, kick, trip or the like, it had to be done.   Why we didn't drug him, I'll never know.  By that I mean give him a sedative for the flight home.  But w/ not knowing his history and him at the time being on epilepsy meds, we couldn't risk anything. 

I think the highlight had to be him running away at the Munich Airport.  Sprechen sie Deutsch?  oh wait!  Mom does.  Ha,ha, ha!  Yes, though mom has lost a lot of it, it comes back to you.  I made sure to tell passport control before we went through to not let him back through.  They already asked me if I had my hands full so I guess they could sense it.  Who knows.  Logan bolted.  I told Warren let him go.  Couldn't get past passport control anyhow.  We retrieved him.  What made this worse was there were 2 kids sitting from Ukraine w/ their new family good as gold.  Yes, I was jealous.  Warren took him to the bathroom b/c we dare not let him go alone.  Warren was wondering why it was taking so long.  Logan proceeded to lock ALL the stalls of the bathrooms.  Crawled underneath them ALL.  Yeh, Warren was NOT happy as I'm sure other passengers waiting to use the restroom were also not happy. 

Somehow we survived and arrived stateside.  D.C.  Can I ask that airport now why the heck you have an emergency red button w/ in toddler's reach?!  The guy behind me & myself tackled Summer.  Close was not even enough to describe it.  She would have single handedly shut down the entire airport.  Crisis averted.  Poor Summer.  It's all we could do though.  I can laugh now but then was not a laughing matter.  I won't even get into the insanity that followed w/ 5 people who hadn't slept in literally 2 days.  It was maddening.

I gave up on anyone looking any certain way on this trip.  It was purely survival at this point in time.

Yep, insanity hit on the tarmac when we were just sitting there waiting for them to de-ice.  

Yes, she wore this hat the entire trip.  Her favorite thing.  I know what you're thinking.  My kids look like orphans even after they leave the orphanage.  LOL.  Again, survival, not looks matter.  So rolled up pants that are two sizes too big and a hat it is.  I think they were finally starting to tire. 

 Yeh, nope.  Second wind.  Waiting to get to RDU.  We must have looked awful b/c the couple next to us offered to buy us coffee. 

I was so beat at this point yet Summer was still awake.  How do they do it?!

We made it home.  Yes, it was eventful.  Logan got bit by the dog, hungry (thank goodness for Wendys open late!) screaming every which way from the 3 of them, kids terrified, old kids wanting to tell us everything, chaos any which way you turned, no one tired.  Remember, when we get home from these trips, we not only  have to deal w/ the newbies but all the other things such as PTSD, RAD etc. that happen when we're away.  Over the years though, we've gotten better at the transitions so that helps.  

They were home but it was not home yet.  Not comfortable in their own rooms as you can tell.  

Would the healing ever come?  Was there just too much raw emotion?  Could we ever break through to her?  Time would soon tell.

And Logan.  Was he too far gone?  Was the psychological damage already done to this child?  Could we ever make it better.  That's a fake smile by the way to cover up how he really feels.

We were so shaken,so tired, so broken in the middle of the night when we got home that we did not even know the kids decorated for us.

A sign made by our other kids at home.  Was comforting.

 Next day was a nice fall day.  Clear, refreshing and ready to begin a new life.

For now, we were home and that's all that matter.  We'd made it safely and in one piece.  No one  got lost, hurt, or the like.  Now, it was time for true feelings to be let loose, healing to begin.  I will next write about their medicals b/c I think that is important.  Then, I will tell you how we went from the above to where we are now.  The transformations will astound you.  Why?  Mainly b/c I never told you all that had happened to them prior.  And two, b/c I'm still finding out things everyday that had happened as they gain more English.  It is not for the faint of heart so be prepared.  I told you this would be honest and no holds barred.  If I offend anyone or anyone thinks I'm exaggerating or making this stuff up, I can assure you, you can't make this up.  It happened and I think others need to know that not all adoptions are rosy.  Kids with pasts that are damaged take time to heal.  Some do, some don't.  More on all that later as well. 


  1. You said Logan pulled his took out purely for spite... Have you considered that maybe he thought you were going to get rid of him anyways, so he was trying to speed up the process. Or that he was testing you to see if you really loved him?

  2. Augh! Too close to home:( I traveled by myself with our two boys (7 & 14) and it was a nightmare. Survival mode. Remember that feeling. I had with me a tooth puller/cusser/screamer/biter/kicker/non-sleeper/needed to be physically restrained and a runner/stealer/cusser. Both of them spit everywhere. On the floor, on the wall, at people, on people. I was pretty sure we'd been duped by Satan himself. When they bolted from me in the airport in Germany I remember hoping I'd be able to board the flight and take off before they came back. Good grief. Nobody had, or could have, adequately prepared me for that!! (Just for everyone's peace of mind, a year can do wonders. Hopefully the wonders continue as the years pass:))