Wednesday, July 18, 2012

You Have How Many Kids???

I'm sure some of you other families get this question.  A lot.  I know we do.  All the time.  I guess what seems like the norm for us, isn't for everyone.  Which brings me to something.  How many is too many kids?  And who is that really up to?  I used to think 5 was too many.  Ha!  Today I feel 1 is too many but I'll keep to the post instead.  I think this is all a matter of perspective.  Do I think 10 is too many kids?  No.  Do I think 12 is too many kids?(we tend to bring them home in pairs. LOL) No.  Do I think 15 is too many?  No.  Yet, then something happens.  Do I think 17 or 18 is too many?  Yes.  But why?  Why do I think that?  I mean if I got pregnant with octuplets tomorrow, would I think 18 would be too many?  NO WAY!  Yet in the previous sentence, I just said I thought it was too many.  Why?  I'm not sure.  I'm not sure why some people think one number is more than another when it comes to kids.

And for us, it's not about the numbers.  It's not.  It's about the love for the kids.  It's not about a mission of rescue (we get asked that one a lot as well).  It's not some arbitrary number we've dreamed up.  I think it is more simply us wanting to be parents and be the best parents that we can be.  We get told many times by family members we're biting off more than we can chew?  Really?  I think it's worked out fine so far.  We just returned from a lengthy vacation and got complimented in various states along the way about how well behaved our kids are.  So we must be doing something right.  Whether it's 2 kids or 10.  Doesn't matter a bit.

When people get pregnant, no matter what the # of kids they already have, they get congratulated and cheered on about adding to  the family.  Each time we've announced an adoption to family, it has not been that way for us.  The announcement is met with resistance, comments, and negativity.  Why is that?  Is it adoption itself or the # of kids?  Many will comment we're biting off more than we can chew and you have enough kids.  When did a certain # of kids become enough?  Where is that written?  Who determines that?  I feel it is up to each individual family.  What works for one, may not work for another.   For us, it's working.  Did we ever dream of having 10 kids? Nope.  Our plans were different.  2 kids, both work, travel, kids in clubs, etc.  Yeh, that didn't happen. 

You never know how many you'll end up with.  You really don't.  Whether bio or not.  So why do we all think one # is "too many" kids?  Is it our fear of not being able to do a good job w/ a certain #of kids running around?  Possibly.  I know w/ my first two I was a complete mess.  Completely frazzled.  Yet, a few months ago we brought home 3 at once and slipped them right into family routine.  Didn't blink an eye. 

In my opinion, each and every family out there whether adoptive or not, knows when enough is enough and too many kids is too many kids.  We are not at the point of too many kids.  Does that mean we're going to bring more home?  Not necessarily.  It just means we can handle what we have at the moment. Though this week, I'll be honest, they're driving me nuts and ten is too many!  LOL.  If you have the resources to provide for the children you bring home, I don't feel it's any one's business telling you this # or that # is too many.  Do what you feel is comfortable.  That being said, you also need to know what # is your "limit."  For me, I do feel 12 would be my absolute limit.  Warren now says it's 10.  Remember, this is the same man who said it's 2, it's 4, it's 5, it's 7, it's 10 as a limit.  At one point, we said 6 was our limit.  We could never ever handle more than 6.  This was when the plan was to bring Alyona home and that would be it.  However, we added Nik at the last minute and the rest is history.  There is no magic # for any family as being the right number.  You have a sense when your family is complete.  On one hand I feel ours is complete.  On the other, I don't.  Don't know what the future may bring.  For now, we are content with ten.  It's our #. 

So next time someone asks you how many kids do you have.  Gladly tell them the #, enjoy the moment and say thanks for asking.  If they ask you if you feel that is too many or they give their opinion (usually the case) it's too many.  Say happily "but 10(or whatever your # is)  is our #."  Smile and walk off. 

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