Friday, July 6, 2012

Situation. Need suggestions please.

Okay, this will be hard for me to write.  It's about Nik.  He's 9yo.  He used to have no issues playing w/the kid across the street who is the same age.  They would collect bugs together, play together, etc.  Alex would play w/ him too.  Now, it seems this child only wants Logan and Alex to play w/ him.  ONLY invites Alex and Logan over.  I'm frustrated as I've tried different ways to resolve this such as inviting them here and having them play soccer or something of that nature.  Nik just welled up w/ tears yet again today b/c of all this.  See, Logan and Alex got to spend the night a few days ago.  And, I don't want to take that opportunity or friend away from them either.  See how I'm stuck in the middle here? 

The other night, Nik even packed a bag in hopes of spending the night there too.  He explained to me he packed deodorant for all 3 of them (Nik, Alex and Logan) and a robe for a shower.  I wanted to cry right then and there.  See, Nik has not gotten to spend the night w/ a friend.  He's dying to spend the night somewhere.  This is heart wrenching.  He wants to be like the other kids.  Yet I have the issue of when he's in a group setting, that doesn't work either b/c he isolates himself typically.  I've told him we'll make some new friends this year that can come over.  Hoping this holds true.  We'll have homeschool academy in the fall as well as Upwards soccer and church clubs.  Surely, we'll have someone that may want to come over and hang out w/ Nik.  Truly, you don't need to communicate to do so.  They just have fun.  Boys will be boys so to speak. 

Need ideas or suggestions.  We're used to this happening to a lot of our FASers.  Friends tend to "out grow" them as the friends mature and FASers take longer to.  It's hard.  Really hard.  Thankfully, my kids do have each other to play with.  If they didn't, I seriously think they'd have very serious issues.  We're working on getting Nik some systems set up so that he'll be able to "talk"(sign) to folks online.  Also, Skype w/ people.  But, he's also a 9yo boy and wants to play w/ friends.  And honestly, he doesn't have any.  Yes, we do things w/him and spend one on one time w/ him but you and I both know that will not cut it for a kid who just wants to be a normal kid.  Need suggestions on how to handle such a thing.  I wouldn't ask if I didn't feel so pushed into a corner on this either.  Remember, Logan and Alex are his friend.  And he's a good kid.  It's nothing against him.  Want to make that very clear here.  I wish he knew how much this hurt Nik.  Not sure that would make a difference though or not.  Again, kid is 9yo.  Logan and Alex are 12yo.  Well, Logan will be 12yo next month.  Is it b/c Nik is deaf?  Is that why?  Did he just "out grow"  him?  Don't know.  I'm out of ideas and would love to know what else I can possibly tell my son.  Thanks in advance. 


  1. My FASD 9 year old girl is being out grown by her NT friends. A couple of the mothers of the girls involved I am friends with and I asked the mothers if we could take the time to talk to the girls about why GB isn't maturing as fast as they are. That helped a lot. She has also found friends among slightly older, high functioning autistic children- the disabilities have a lot of overlap.

  2. It could be because he is deaf, yes. When Miss Kat was sign only, she was absolutely beginning to isolate around hearing kids and they would play with her for awhile if there we no other options, but bore quickly, and if any other option was available, she was immediately disregarded...and this was when she was only 4 and 5, it would be so much worse as she aged. The older the child, the more important the ability to communicate becomes. They want to play games that involve negotiating rules, discuss cool things and just generally get to know each other. Can Nik do that?

    The way we dealt with it was to make sure that she ALWAYS has access to friends who COULD communicate with her. It meant driving more, more planned playdates, and more hassle but we knew she needed a social life and friends with which she could feel truly comfortable.