Saturday, May 12, 2012

Last year's story of what happened cont.

So, now time to explain it all (part II)

We were to have a meeting w/ the police detective at some point.  It happened around 4 days later.  Great guy btw.  He drove up to the house and at the time, the "littles" were outside, along w/ 2 dogs that had escaped, my neighbor trying to catch her son in our yard, one person trying to get out the window and well, you get the picture.  Luckily, he had a sense of humor & could see us all trying to wrangle everything.  He was laughing a bit.  Made us feel at ease.  We went inside.  He said this was just a formality and not to worry.  He was going over everything w/ me & guess what?!  He seemed to understand what happens to FASD and RAD kids in the future.  He knows the statistics and understood that a good few of them end up in jail.  Explained to him how we parent & what exactly happened.  He then told me something interesting.  He told me that there were two complaints.  I said wow, two complaints about our family?  He said oh no, two complaints on two separate families on the SAME day and almost identical incidences of what happened.  He said that was a big red flag that this was all false.

The detective was here & witnessed firsthand Alex when he lied to me and I called him on it.  He witnessed a meltdown Alex had & how he came to me for comfort.  Alex was begging not to be taken away.  The officer then stood up and said " I do not want to traumatize him any more.  It is clear he loves it here."  It was wonderful he recognized that alex was hurting and offered to leave.  He'd already been there a few hours any how. Officer witnessed my kids eating dog food.  (a dare) and a few other things.  I warned him when they came home it would be chaos till they had some meds.  He was a believer for sure.  I walked him out & talked a bit more outside.  Thanked him for his time & asked what I needed to do from here. He said nothing.  There was nothing found here.  I said we must have FBI & criminal checks come back clean.  He said they will as there was nothing here.  He said CPS still has to do their separate investigation but shouldn't take long.  He said I will tell her all about today.  I felt great about it all after talking to him.  He saw the truth here.  He saw how PI kids are and the lack of cause & effect of FAS. 

Now, this case was opened up in our county that we live in.  A few days later I get a call from a new caseworker from a completely different county!  She said it had been transferred to them due to a conflict of interest but no one could tell me exactly what that conflict was.  Our guess was that since we completed a homestudy in December to readopt Irina in this state, & it was a glowing report, that may have been the conflict.  Don't know.  Still don't know.  So, new county.  She now wants to come out & interview the kids.  This btw, was three weeks later.  From my understanding, when CPS starts an investigation, they have 30 to 45 days to complete it.  It was started February 25th and ended today, May 9th.  Do the math.  Keep in mind, we originally had travel dates in April. 

Anyhow, I had to prep the kids for what might be to come.  We were living another life.  Fearful of anything that might be misconstrued.  We used to let the kids go to school as is.  Happy if that actually had clothes on or socks.  Now, made them take coats, made them have water bottles, etc.  Felt like someone was always judging us.  Kids felt it too.  Warren wouldn't let the kids climb the trees.  What if they fall?  I said then they fall b/c they were being kids.  This was the same time that Bojan & Max had the shovel incident and Bojan ended up w/ stitches.  Sad b/c we had about 11 kids here at the time and one of the other mom's said "I was a witness!  Total accident."  horrible we all felt we had to live this way.

New caseworker came out.  You could already tell she had a different demeanor.  There to check out the facts, not assume you are guilty as we feel the first lady did.  Kids felt more at ease w/ this worker than the other.  That was important to me.  However, still couldn't let our guard down as now they are going full force w/ an investigation despite police clearing us.  We gave them the lists of dx's of our kids.  So many things we had purposefully kept secret all these years.  Kept secret from the schools as we wanted them to see just our kids and not all their labels.  We limit what the school knows.  Now, we had to tell all and the school in turn would know more.  A birthmother that was a schizophrenic came out & a good possibilty that one of our children is.  It is being monitored by our docs and us.  Not getting into that explanation now.  I hated all this.  I hated them wanting and knowing every single dx.  I feel it lessened the kids.  They are who they are despite the dx's.  I had to dig through dx's from years upon years ago.  Never throw anything out folks.  I gave this new caseworker info on FAS and such.  Now, they have to start calling your collaterals.  That's what they call people who know you.  Not friends, neighbors, professionals, etc. but collaterals.  It bothered me for some reason.

Let's just talk about how open our lives are and about how in the world it would be near impossible to do the stuff CPS was investigating.  First, we have a very open blog here.  I've always been honest on here.  Second, my sister in-law lived w/ us a few days a week up until this January.  She did this for a year and a half I believe.  I'm sure she would have seen something.  She did in fact.  She said something to me one day.  She said people really won't get what you say about FAS unless they live it like I have.  She "got it."  She saw the lying, the poor impulse control, the lack of cause & effect thinking.  She was staying in what was our homework room.  Kids went in one day & open up a box of push pins.  Spilled them all over the floor.  My sister in-law found them...with her feet!  She had a different perspective in how we parented the kids.  Our kids are extremely visual.  Back to the story.  Next, we have been followed by social workers for the last 12 years.  We had recently completed 2 homestudy updates.  All checks were current.  We had a letter from the doc stating no evidence of child abuse & such.  Needed that for our dossier, that's why we had the letter.  We have a speech therapist here a few times a week.  I watch 4 toddlers.  My kids go to specialists all the time.  Their bodies are seen.  We have neighborhood kids here all the time, every day.  We speak to other families about their struggles of FAS & RAD.  We do this when various agencies have them call us.  So, we are out there.  Not hiding in our home for sure.  I take my kids places.  They are seen.  Any abuse would have at some point had to be seen just based on how we live our life and how our kids are.  Nope, nothing.  Why?  B/c nothing happened.  Yet, we had to prove all this.

Interviews w/ our agencies, our social workers, our neighbors, our friends, etc. began.  One common thing I found interesting when they called these people was they said CPS seemed disappointed they found nothing negative about us.  I was stunned. I thought they'd be happy.  that's when I started questioning their intentions.  Were they trying to prove guilt or innocence.  And that, you'll really never know.  All you can do in this situation is have faith that the truth comes out.  Anyone and everyone of our professionals said they would write any affadavits we needed, call who we needed, etc.  We have quite a few specialists.  Many have seen us on a personal level interact w/ our children.  Some of them, we've been to their homes even.

So, the interviewing continued of folks.  Remember that document I had in place immediately following the first session at school?  Well, this interviewer said she had to interview the kids again.  Now, at this point, our social workers w/ extensive knowledge in PI kids, PTSD, RAD, FAS, etc. recommended to this caseworker not to interview them alone again. It was just too traumatizing.  So, we came to an agreement that they could be interviewed again...together.  I was okay with that.  I was actually grateful that the caseworker was willing to work with us on this.  Bojan said that morning, don't worry mom, I'll make sure they tell the truth.  I'll help them out.  I was relieved actually.  Bojan is our son w/ normal intelligence and processing and such.  He does not have the mental health issues that the others do.  So, it was off to school they went, me w/ knots in my stomach, and then just waiting to hear what happened.  I had finally gotten my kids back to a point of stability.  They were not terrified of being taken away any more, they were not jittery, they were feeling okay and pretty much back to normal.  I knew this interview would have another huge effect on them.  Just didn't know how huge. See,the kids had already been interviewed by one county.  But, since it was switched, they said they had to interview them again.  We were torn w/ wanting to cooperate to get this resolved as quickly as possible and protecting our children from further traumatizing events that dredge up past issues.  This is why these past few months I've been on edge, in a fog, though trying to focus on healing the kids from all this.

It was off to school for the interview.  The ONLY school that followed our documents that we had put in place was Max's school.  They called me and said someone wants to interview Max alone.  I said that's fine.  I knew Max could handle it and we have nothing to hide.  They asked Max that day "do your parents ever feed you?"  Max told me he leans back in the chair, pats his stomach & says "what do you think?"  That's my son.  My 16yo teen who has eaten me out of house & home.  More to come on all this.  I have much to do.  No "littles" today so getting tons of paperwork done.  I should be able to conclude the rest of this story in one more post.  Stay tuned for more of the saga.  Gets a bit more interesting for sure. 

1 comment:

  1. I too was once investigated for child abuse that was unfounded. I ended up hiring a lawyer to force the CPS to quit harassing us and force them to follow their own rules. Even then, one of the social workers went into private practice and called us for years trying to get us to come for "therapy".

    I was told then by friends who worked at county agencies that the social workers at CPS agencies prefer to investigate cases at middle class homes. The neighborhoods are safer so they often will spend extra time on these cases. Finding you guilty would have meant they would get to spend even more time on the case. I was also told that the police require actual evidence to move forward with an investigation. The detective who interviewed us spent less than one half hour and said there was no evidence of abuse and left. Despite this, the social worker still tried to have the kids removed from our home.

    CPS operates under the premise of guilty until proven innocent. It is very hard to prove that something (such as child abuse) does not occur, so it gives the CPS people extra leeway in abusing their authority.