Saturday, May 12, 2012

Last year's story of what happened

Please pray for truth

Shortly, our "situation" will be decided.  A LOT weighs on this decision.  On how they decide to word things.  On how it will effect our adoptions depending upon the outcome.  How it will effect our current children.  I will update later w/ what all transpired these past few months that I haven't posted publically.  You'll understand why once it is all said & done.  For now, we just really need prayers for the truth to be told and a resolution to come forth.  This is a HUGE deal.  My stomach is in knots right now as I just found out today is the day.  I will be called after the decision is made.  From there, it will all either be okay or we will have to fight and fight big time.  I mean lawyer type of fighting.  So it is something very serious.  Something I never, ever thought in a million years could happen to us.  The how and why of it all is still a mystery to this day.  We just want this behind us.  In every single one of our adoptions, before travel, we've always had some type of "glitch."  This is our biggest glitch ever!  It could halt any adoption in its tracks.  So when I say we really need some extra prayers, please know it is not to be taken lightly.  This will indeed affect our entire lives for the rest of our lives.  My kids have suffered greatly these past few months b/c of this situation.  It hurts that someone could do that to them.  It really does.  Pray today is the day truth will prevail.  Thanks to all who've supported us these past few months.  It has not gone unnoticed.  I will indeed let you all know what is happening later today.  And what the verdict is & how it will proceed from here.  Pray that all is cleared up and that I can go ahead & purchase those airline tickets.  Stay tuned to the next part of our drama here at Chaos Manor. 


You can not even imagine how good that sounds to my ears.  Even better...unsubstantiated!!!  I know I've had to be cryptic all these past months.  I mean who in the world can ever possibly think of having to contend w/ a CPS investigation during international adoptions.  I will have plenty, plenty more on this tonight.  It is a very long story filled w/ misunderstandings, twists & turns, & lots of testing of faith.  I promise to explain.  Right now, I am on cloud 9.  I can buy airline tickets w/out fear of dates changing.  I am super busy right now.  We are having to notify everyone of the outcome and in addition, more paperwork to come.  Thanks for all the support.  Much, much more to come.  I am just thrilled that the truth finally came out.  We feel like this weight has been lifted.  More details for sure.  Just had to share as we've been waiting so long to share what happened to us.  Thanks again for all the prayers, words of encouragement and support.  Got to go.  Much, much to do. 

So, now time to explain it all (part I)

Bare with me as this will take some doing.  All I can muster.  I will start from the beginning.  It was a Friday.  Friday, February 25th to be exact.  It was around 2:30 or so.  I had a knock on the door.  Figured it was someone we don't know as most people just walk on in & don't knock.  Go to answer it & she said she was a social worker.  I of course invite her in.  That my friends was mistake #1.  I will explain more of what you are supposed to do when faced w/this situation.  Anyhow, I'm used to social workers being here and doesn't phase me a bit.  I don't care what's on the floor or if there are dishes in the sink.  Really, we live here folks.  I have 7 kids, 4 toddlers I watch, 3 dogs, and countless neighborhood kids come here.  We clean on Saturdays and Wednesdays in this house.  Any other day you come here, you're taking a chance.  You can clean & I swear 10 minutes later it will look like you didn't.  Back to the story.  She did not smile.  Not one bit.  I asked what this was about of course.  We were being accused of 'bizarre behavior modification.'  What is that you may ask?  We were being accused of ducting taping and tying up our children.  Yes siree.  I kind of chuckled a bit (mistake #2).  I chuckled b/c honestly, I couldn't imagine how anyone could even think that about us.  She was SO not amused by me.  I'll have to back up a bit.

Earlier that day, apparently, they had gone & interviewed my younger kids at school...alone.  Yes, alone.  Now, in courts they have protection for children who are mentally challenged.  With CPS, there is no protection for the kids.  They can interview them alone.  Without a parent's permission.  Whether mentally challenged or not.  Our friends were outraged b/c they said "but Alyona answers yes to anything & everything you ask her."  Yes, yes she does.  She can't help it.  You see how this can present a problem during an interview, right?  And you can see where a deaf child w/ very little language (whether in ASL or voice) can be a problem too, right?  See where I'm going w/ all this?  Yes, they interviewed my younger kids alone at school.  Now, I'm going to share a bit about Alex.  Alex came from an abusive past.  A horrendous situation in Russia & I won't go into details on here.  Put it this way, I was not given his medical records until after court.  Yes, they were that bad.  In addition, when I read them at home,  I couldn't continue.  It was too painful to read.  Put them away for two years before I got them out again.  So, Alex had abuse in his past.  By interviewing him, they were dredging it up again.  Back to the story.  They interviewed the kids at school alone.  Caseworker came to our home.  Now, I have 4 toddlers w/ me at the time so my focus really is on them, not her.  Sorry, but that's my job. I said should I call their parents to come get them.  She said " Yes.  and call your husband to come home too."  When the parents came to pick them up I asked the caseworker "do you want to speak w/ any of them?  Feel free, they're here."  I knew they wouldn't mind and I had no way to even prep them for anything so it would have been honest conversation.  However, caseworker refused.  I had also asked this caseworker if she'd like to see any of my post placement reports, homestudy(current), doctor's letter of recommendation clearly stating no child abuse, child abuse checks, or anything of the like.  She refused to take any.  And trust me, I had it on the table.  Her demeanor was not pleasant and  even the kids picked up on that.

She starts interviewing my older kids in their rooms.  Now, I'll admit that the house truly looked like a demilitarized zone.  She was interviewing Yana downstairs.  My younger kids came home.  Bojan bolts in the door and says in his loudest voice "Mom, you won't believe what this stupid lady came and asked us today!  She asked us if you & dad take drugs or if you hit us.  Can you believe that?!  You don't do that crap."  I know she had to have heard all that from her room.  Secretly, I was cheering Bojan on inside as he was speaking the truth & from his heart.  Didn't care for the language but he got his point across.  Alex looked distraught.  Never forget the look on his face.  I knew what had happened.

Warren came home.  She spoke w/ him outside.  She finally left after 7 or 8.  Can't remember.  All I remember is as she drove away, 6 of my kids were having a pow wow on the trampoline out back.  They all screamed & cheered as she left the driveway.  Alex was w/ me on the front porch.  She left & he literally collapsed in my arms and went limp.  He was sobbing.  I knew from then on, we were in for a long haul w/ Alex's healing.  Remember, he's PTSD, FAS, RAD, ADHD, and the list goes on.  That evening was a blur.  I don't even think any of us ate dinner.  We could not think straight that entire weekend.  I mean we couldn't even think to get meat out the whole weekend.  Ate whatever we passed on the road.  I mean the whole weekend was a total blur.

Let me back up.  Before she left, she wanted us to sign a paper saying we wouldn't duct tape or tie up or kids.  They also accused us of starving Alyona but we'll get to that one a bit later.  We  refused to sign the papers as we did nothing wrong.  I was on the phone w/ my agency director as I'm talking to this caseworker about the paper.  AGain, could never ask for a better agency.  Never signed the papers and wrote on there clearly deny any and all charges due to innocence.  We ended up going to church on Sunday.  Trying for some normalcy.  My kids were solemn.  Many came up to us and asked what was wrong w/ our kids.  They said they are not their usual cheerful, outgoing selves.  I said I know.  Some folks I explained what happened, some I didn't.  I knew then we'd need a break from church and a few other things just till the kids could recouperate. 

Now, all this happened over a weekend.  I do have a few people I know & started asking anyone & everyone for advice.  First thing we did was try to calm the kids who had just been re-traumatized.  Remember, all mine suffer from a variety of mental health disorders.  2 with RAD, a few w/ PTSD.  I knew we were in for a long road to try to get them emotionally stable again.  Remember, some had been taken away from parents before.  Several were traumatized.  This was serious.   The emotional toll this took on my kids was unreal.  It was our priority & # 1 job to try to calm them and try to reassure them this would all be okay.  We had to hide our true feelings of worry & heartbreak.  That first weekend that this all transpired in February, I had to contend with children withdrawn, children lashing out, aggressiveness, clinginess, some peeing in their pants & regressing, etc.  It was a living nightmare.  These people had no idea what they had just unleashed in our children and honestly, didn't seem to care.  I tried to tell them all about FAS and RAD and PTSD.  I asked if they knew what those disorders were.  The response I got was "well, I've heard of those."  What?!  A person in this position has heard of it.  Unbelieveable.

Again, focus was on the kids.  We collected ourselves that Sunday evening and formed a game plan.  We had our children write down everything that happened & was said during those interviews.  The older kids wrote letters begging to stay here.  See, all were terrified of being taken away from the family.  Warren and I wrote & got notarized documents for all 7 of our kids.  It was stating they were never to be allowed to be interviewed alone.  If someone asks to do so, they must contact the parents for permission.  Re-iterated these were minors with mental challenges.  Took that to the schools first thing Monday.  More on the schools later as this is where this all had to originate from.

All we could do is wait & write documents.  We had to notify immigration, our agencies, etc. in writing that we were being investigated for child abuse but we vehamently denied all charges.  We started contacting people we knew.  Next step we were told was we were going to be investigated by a detective at an unannounced time.  I think this is enough to digest.  The police meeting is next & where are case was ending up.  It gets more & more interesting w/ what happens next. 

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