Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I miss my kids

Okay, it's finally hitting me.  I really miss my kids.  Yes, I miss Max and Bojan but they're not the ones I"m talking about.  BTW, it's quiet w/out them.  LOL.  Seriously though, I miss my kids in EE.  Oceans apart, day after day, night after night is getting old.  I miss Logan's contagious smile.   I miss him trying to tease his sister when he didn't think we were looking.  I miss him helping his sister out & being the great big brother he is.  I miss Logan.  I miss R.  I miss her sweetness.  I miss her being whiny(okay, not so much) trying to get what she wants.  I miss her hugs.  I miss her face when she puts Big Red in her mouth.  She HATES it.  Yet, loves gum so would chew it anyhow.  I miss that.  I miss R.  We had such a connection with these two kids I feel like they were ours from the get go and now someone just took them away.  Oh Summer.  Our little girl needs us.  She does.  How I want to just swoop her up.

I'm crushed.  I know it's all part of the process.  Trust me, I've done it before.  Try hosting a few kids for 24/7 for 7 days and having to put them back in the van to return to Russia.  I did that too.  It is SO hard to say goodbye to your kids not knowing when they will be in your arms again.  It's hard.  Not going to lie to  you all.  I'm feeling it this week.  I'm not sure why either. I mean shoot, I have enough distractions here.  I know how this all works.  I do.  Doesn't mean it gets easier with time or w/ a certain number of adoptions.  When you know they're your kids, you have to leave them behind, it hurts.  I've tried not to think about it much.  Tried is the key word. But today, it got to me.  I was in the pool w/ the kids and had the "littles" with me as well.  Yana and Irina were at the mall w/ a friend.  Alex wanted to race me.  I won!  Okay, a little bragging as I truly thought this 11yo son of mine would kick my butt in a swim race.  Didn't want to tell him that though.  LOL.  Anyhow, I could just picture Alex and Logan having this same race.  Smiles galore.  I could picture the girls playing together w/ friends.  I want them home.  Yes, being selfish. I don't care.  I want them home.  I'm very ready to complete our family and enjoy these times together.

Why am I saying all this?  No idea.  Just need other parents going through this part of the process to understand it is not easy. Once you leave on that plane knowing it will be months before you see them again, you seem to long for them more.  Shoot, it's only been almost two months since we've seen them but it feels like an eternity.  I need to send Logan his birthday card.  I know we'll have many more birthdays to celebrate together.  But oh, how I really want them to be home now to do that.  I know this is all part of the process and it is supposed to be for the good but it does not make it one tiny bit easier.  Nope.  Not one single bit.  The wait is hard on the kids, especially when they're older and know what's happening.  The wait is hard on the parents wanting their kids home.  The wait is just hard.

I guess I just needed to whine a little today and say I really miss my kids.  I know the time is getting closer.  And that's fantastic news.  I never thought I'd want to wish a month away, but I'd love to just skip to September and get the ball rolling here.  Not going to happen and life goes on.  We wake up early tomorrow for Yana to go to cross country.  Come home, pick her up.  Go to the bank.  Take her back for freshman orientation.  Come home.  Eat lunch.  Take her back for cross country pictures.  Wait there.  Come home.  then it's errand running.  So, as you can see, life keeps moving whether you miss your kids or not.  We focus on the family here but never ever forget about our family in EE and how much we love them as well.

Warren is taking off work Friday.  I think we both need a break.  We have a gift cert to Red Lobster and I do believe we should use it.  We'll see.  More to share but will have to wait.  Thanks for letting me whine some a lot.  I know others miss their kids as well.  Waiting sucks.  Especially, for such an impatient person as myself. 


  1. Such a sweet mama's heart you have. It must be hard to have your family on separate sides of the world. We hope to adopt from Bulgaria someday too, and have never adopted I appreciate you sharing the good and the difficult stuff!

  2. I cannot imagine!!! I dread the day that I will have these exact feelings. I think the time between the first and second trip is my BIGGEST fear with this entire adoption process. My prayers are with you. I love reading your blog.