Wednesday, June 8, 2011

FAS meltdowns

I know some of you come to this blog b/c we have experience in dealing with children effected by FAS.  For those new, we have 6 kids currently affected.  It is called the invisible disability for a reason. I know I need a sole FAS post but that has to wait till I have more time.  For now, I want to show you what happens to our kids when they get caught in a lie. 

First step is they are called over to be talked to.  Alex does not think he has done anything wrong whatsoever at this point.  Most RAD/FAS kids can't recognize when they do something wrong.  You have to pick away at the problem piece by piece so that they understand.  Trust me, this could take hours. 

 Alex is listening to Warren pick apart the problem.  Piece by piece.  Many FAS kids have processing issues so this is the hardest part to do. 

 Alex is tired here of listening to the conversation.  Notice how he acts as though he's in pain.  It truly is almost painful for them when they finally recognize that they were indeed the guilty party.  Their emotions take over and they honestly don't know what to do next.  Their first instinct is always to lie.  But, if you pick apart the problem piece by piece, you've left them no way to lie & it just breaks them down.  They have to deal w/ the fact that they were in the wrong and try & process it.  

As I've mentioned before, physical touch is very important w/ these kids.  It reigns them in.  In addition, you whisper.  If you whisper, they will stop shouting.  Works every time.  This is him coming to the conclusion(finally), that he did indeed do something wrong.  

With FAS kids, you can not parent quite the same way as a regular parent.  These kids have processing issues.  Half the time, they don't understand what you are saying.  I don't show these photos to show something negative.  On the contrary.  I do it to show you that disciplining an FAS child is a process.  You have to pick apart what happened.  Give them extra time to digest each line.  Then, talk them through a solution.  Our kids do get punished for wrong things they've done.  Even the most severe of kids with mental health issues can learn.  Just takes lots & lots & lots of patience and time.  We're still a work in progress.  However, we've come an extremely long way.  From one kid w/ severe aggression issues & RAD to a kid that can now control it and leave the room when they feel that anger arising w/in them.  You can't get rid of their problems.  You can however effectively learn how to deal with them.  I wrote this b/c this is one of the questions we get all the time.  I know this is just a small part of what we do.  I'll have more on FAS in general & what it is like to live this life once home from Bulgaria.  Just didn't want folks thinking it was all roses here 100% of the time.  It's not.  That just would not be real life.  More to come but must go pick up Irina & then onto Alex's awards ceremony.  Getting stuff done today but much more to do.

1 comment:

  1. Steph, I loved that you took the time to take pics and post this. This is a familiar sight in my home at least every day and sometimes several times. It's exhausting, to say the least. It takes a very strong parent, secure and much unconditional love. Happy Father's Day to your sweet hubby. He's almost as great as mine. ;o)
    Love you guys! Ginger