Monday, April 4, 2011

Raising the Boyd Boys


Raising the Boyd Boys & Lessons Learned

Hello everyone! I got an email tonight on raising boys so I thought I’d create my own such list of the silly or not so silly things boys can do. I’ve come up with 98 so far from my four boys but would love to hear what some of you fellow parents have discovered about raising boys. And I assure you, 100% of it is true. Believe it or not!

The following are my discoveries about raising boys:
  1. A bra thrown up in a ceiling fan will cause the motor to burn up.
  1. Using a drumstick to practice on glass globes on a ceiling fan will break into many pieces.
  1. Swallowing a magnet ball will pass in time and intrigue boys for a few days while looking for it to land in the toilet.
  1. If you leave a hermit crab unattended, he will end up in another room no matter how slowly they crawl.
  1. If you mess with electrical cords around the pool, your hair will stand up.
  1. Shooting a water gun over and over again at the bathroom ceiling does cause it to fall down.
  1. When you jump from one bunk to another bed, sometimes you land…..sometimes you don’t.
  1. Even if you think you’ve locked up the tool box, they can still find a way in and cut themselves with a utility knife. Thus, causing a trip to the ER.
  1. Doing a back flip into a pool that is surrounded by concrete can only end badly.
  1. A 4yo boy CAN pick the lock of your cars.
  1. 1 child in a crowded restaurant is loud. 7 children in a crowded restaurant feels like you broke the sound barrier.
  1. Slime always sticks to carpet and you have to replace the entire room of carpet if you move.
  1. Boys can flood a bathroom in a heartbeat.
  1. A 6yo with a prosthetic leg at a Walmart can really cause a scene. Especially, when his 5yo brother is pretending to twist his leg all the way around and the 6yo is screaming for the crowd the whole time. Thus, causing mom to look stupid at yelling at them both. He had pants on so no one knew. They about died when I yanked the entire leg off to prove my point.
  1. A call to poison control can be funny, especially, the night before a big surgery.
  1. Enough playing in the sand can stop a prosthetic leg from working.
  1. A 4yo boy can erase priceless memories with the push of a record button on a VCR.
  1. You can shove anything down a toilet.
  1. A stream of urine is only about a centimeter wide, a toilet is a foot across. Yet, 4 boys can’t hit it to save their life!
  1. Prying a night light from a socket w/ a screwdriver is a guaranteed way to lose all power in the house.
  1. Despite the red glow, hot isn’t hot until you’ve touched it with your hands.
  1. According to Max, dog food tastes great. He’ll eat it by the handful if you’d let him.
  1. Candy can be hidden anywhere, even behind the toilet in a ziploc bag.
  1. A plunger can also stick to skin.
  1. Pouring old gasoline into a brand new riding lawnmower will cause it to stop running, thus causing another pricey repair.
  1. The underside of a boxspring when pulled completely off can fill an entire boys’ bedroom of “Spiderman Webbing.”
  1. A popsicle stick when stuck in an aquarium will indeed kill fish.
  1. Pooping on the floor and having your sister step in it is a sure fire way to start a war!
  1. Peeing in a toy box lid is never a good idea.
  1. Peeing outside is always more fun than peeing just a few feet away in the bathroom.
  1. Hiding peed in underwear in your pillow cases is NEVER a bright idea but rather a very smelly one once discovered.
  1. Hiding sandwiches under the bed for weeks at a time is a surefire way that even a seasoned CSI expert would not be able to identify it!
  1. If you jump on a brand new 5 gallon bucket of paint long enough, it is bound to explode all over the brand new flooring that dad just installed!
  1. Having your son show a social worker his hacksaw tool while she’s visiting, leaves A LOT of explaining for mom and dad to do.  LOL.
  1. Ramen Noodles WILL float in the toilet.
  1. A 5yo w/ scissors can and will give himself a haircut.
  1. If your son is out of underwear and doesn’t tell you, inevitably, he won’t wear any. Not even when it is a big awards ceremony!
  1. If a tooth is loose, do NOT go into the moon bounce or your brother will kick you right in the mouth causing a very upset child. He did not think the tooth fairy would come b/c he couldn’t find the tooth in the grass.
  1. Going up to an anatomically correct statue of a bull at a zoo is always an interesting adventure. One of the boys went and started “milking” the utters. Another father passing by said “those ain’t no utters kid!”
  1. The size of a coloring page of paper requires, for some unknown reason, a full roll of scotch tape in order to hang it up.
  1. If you leave $21K laying on the bed, the kids are bound to think it is play money. (it was money for the Murmansk adoption trip).
  1. A four year old will swallow liquid glue.
  1. A deaf little boy is VERY loud in a store.
  1. Eyeglasses fit just right down an air conditioning vent. So right in fact, that they can never be retrieved.
  1. A pool in the backyard is a treasure hunt in the summer once drained—from all the things a 4yo has thrown in it all winter long.
  1. Going down a steep gravel driveway on a garden cart can only end in disaster.
  1. A 4yo can find unique places to lose his hearing aides; including a sandbox.
  1. A 6yo boy can down 24 Easter peeps in about 10 minutes. No lie.—he paid the price later.
  1. Boys can make “snow” in the living room. Yep, it’s raining an entire case of packaging peanuts!!!
  1. You can break a brand new sprinkler by filling the garden hose w/ sand( unbeknownst to dad).
  1. You can ice skate using china plates.
  1. If you dump nail polish and nail polish remover in an aquarium the fish will die.  

    53. 4yo can fill two rooms completely full of smoke by trying to make his own popcorn. We learned then our smoke alarms needed replacing.
  1. You can break brick steps w/ just a hammer and a chisel.
  1. An entire front of a fireplace can come off by just “touching” it.
  1. Paper airplanes if aimed properly can accurately land in vomit as your sister is throwing up.
  1. NEVER leave a bag of candy unattended while you get a shower. Honestly, he could have entered a professional eating competition.
  1. Rocks can make pinstripes on a van.
  1. Glue is VERY hard to get out of the dog.
  1. Boomerangs seem to always land on the roof.
  1. If Dad unbolts the toilet and puts it back down, the boys will NEVER tell you that the rest of the toy is still jammed in there. “but daddy, the boat had 2 parts. You only got 1 out.” Urghh.
  1. If you leave motor oil in the car, boys will obviously find it...unscrew the cap and for whatever reason, put it back on but not tightly. Yep, next time you're in the car, it will have just a hint of motor oil from where it was dumped all over the car!
  1. Burying “treasure” in the yard will always be in the place where pipes are...urghh!!!
  1. Not me is a very popular kid in this house.
  1. Permanent marker makes lovely artwork on brand new bamboo flooring. Yep, installers had left just ten minutes earlier. BTW, it comes off w/ nail polish remover.
  1. Boomerangs from Austrailia can make holes in the siding of the house.
  1. 67) Even with all toys out of the tub, boys can still invent a way to make fun. Soap can make the tub slippery as ice and boys can slide back and forth as if they are on the luge.
  1. Trampoline's are a magnet for injuries.
  1. Your little brother is stronger than you think. He can push you in the garden cart all the way over the ravine and into the creek!
  1. A rock can make pinstripes on a car.
  1. If you leave a red crayon on the windowsill, it will look like blood is dripping out the window when it melts.
  1. Electrical cords are easily turned into jump ropes.
  1. Screens make wonderful “soccer goals” against the house. Thus, causing the entire screen for that window to rip apart.
  1. Ticks and private parts on boys do not mix.
  1. If you're putting a tent up in the front yard and can't find the rubber mallet, just take your brother's leg off and hammer it w/ his titanium knee!
  1. Hearing aids can survive being hailed on, rained on, mowed over and stomped on all in the same week and still work.
  1. A 5yo can lock you out of your own home for hours at a time. Urghh.
  1. Going down the top of a hill full speed on your bike w/ Dad's car parked at the bottom, can only end badly.
  1. Getting a bug net sounds like a good idea until one of the boys brings in his capture proudly...a HUGE wasp nest.
  1. A nostril is the perfect size for a honey roasted peanut.
  1. Tiki torches have a strange attraction when lit. Boys just HAVE to touch the fire!
  1. Ziploc containers make better bug catchers than regular bug catching kits.
  1. Lightening bugs act as a nightlight when hidden in a boys room.
  1. Bugs taste better if roasted on top of a tiki torch. (they were daring each other to eat a grasshopper)

  2. 5yo's can run fast when been attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets. Run fast and into the house to try to catch them. Thankfully, he was not allergic. Nearly 30 stings...ouch!

  3. HGTV can seem harmless to most. But even our boys can find something destructive to do from it. They built their own fire pit. 
     
  4. Too much candy will indeed cause bellyaches.

  5. A sharpie adds a nice design element to brand new furniture. 
     
  6. To make a bow & arrow, you must use a branch from a tree that has poison oak!

  7. Asking your brother to “draw” something on your neck is just asking for it. What was drawn you ask? Why barbed wire necklace of course!

  8. Using a toilet bowl brush as a back scratcher in the tub is not hygenic. 
     
  9. Having the entire county search & rescue (helicopter & all!) look for you will truly end up in big time grounding.

  10. Eating 9 apples in a day will prove that they do indeed have fiber

  11. Throwing shoes at your brother the night before a huge vacation can prove to be detrimental to your well being after mom & dad get done w/ punishments. Broke a second story window the eve before our big D.C. Trip. No swimming in the hotel pool that trip!
  1. If you put the word “dare” in front of it, they will do it. No matter what it is or how red or teary eyed they get from eating Jalepeno peppers.
  1. Pliers are a wonderful cutting tool. Did you know they can cut implant coils right on through??

  2. Boys won't tell you they left the toothbrush at a friend's house. Nope. Even when you ask them 2 weeks later. 
     
  3. You can choke yourself by a homemade weapon like Daredevil has. Yes sir. Out of yarn & kinex pieces. Got there when it was wrapped around his neck.  We had left him in his room playing w/ kinex pieces.  At 8yo, it didn't seem like a bad idea.  Yep, boys can make trouble where there is none.

  4. Stupidity does have consequences. Especially, if you hang by your feet upside down on a zipline & land on a pile of pinecones, sticks & bricks.

I know all the #'s are messed up.  I copied & pasted & just honestly didn't feel like writing the whole thing.  There were way many more incidences than this.  I started this a few years back when I had received an email.  I write stuff down here and there.  From all different ages & years.  This is only form the stuff I remember to write down.  I plan on passing this out at their weddings.  What do you think??  Any of your kids do this stuff?   Just thought of another from last year.  Skating boarding in the pool will result in having to buy an entire new pool liner.  I would love to compile a book of these things one day. I hear from so many other parents the crazy stuff their kids have done.  Hey, at least I know we're not alone.  Hope you enjoyed some of these.  It's great b/c when it's happening, definitely not funny.  When you look back now, you can surely laugh at some of them.  Have a great week.




4 comments:

  1. This couldn't be more entertaining if you'd made it up. Thanks for the laughs... I know it wasn't funny when it happened with your boys, but it is now.

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  2. I learned in college that boys and fire should NEVER mix. My guy friends decided they would see what happens when they set rubbing alcohol on fire in their dorm room bathtub.....needless to say they took a break from their fire setting ways after fighting the wall of flames. Hope your boys don't read these comments!

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  3. I love the toilet bowl back scratcher...my DH will still scratch his back with the strangest things...and he is turning 50 soon.
    LOL!

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  4. First of all, I found your blog by googling "Punishment chores." LOL!!! I'm devising a behavior plan for my four children, ages 2, 3, 4, and 5. Three of those are boys. And their daddy has a history of being the most "boyest" boy out there.

    So...I wanted to add to your list...

    These are items my husband did as a boy...my boys haven't quite gotten to a point yet where they're doing naughty.

    1) If you allow a boy the opportunity to purchase large quantities of red food coloring (from a nearby restaurant supply store, don't ask what they were thinking because clearly they weren't), that boy WILL find a way to lob the jug of food coloring into the local zoo's polar bear exhibit, resulting in a pink polar bear the next morning.

    2) Pumpkins float! And so if you place a pumpkin patch next to a large manmade pond at the nearby catholic shrine (LaSallette located in Attleboro, MA) a boy is bound to discover the phenomenon of floating pumpkins and proceed to toss dozens upon dozens into the pond.

    3) If you then place a fountain in the center of that pond, and then allow a boy access to large quantities of bubble solution, that boy WILL toss the bubble solution into the pond, near the fountain "just to see what would happen."

    4) Finally...if you allow a teen boy access to fireworks and an old rundown jeep...he and his best friend WILL push, pull or drag the jeep into the woods, blow it up, and then fifteen years later, bring their future wives to the spot to show off their handiwork.

    *sigh* This is what I have to look forward to.

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