Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Waiting on adoption

The waiting part of adoption is what any adoptive parent will tell you is the most excruciating part of the whole ordeal.  It's not the gathering of the thousands of pages you need, or the fingerprints taken by 4 different people to prove you are who you are, or all the money involved with it.  No, it's none of that.  It's the waiting that takes the most out of you on this emotional roller coaster journey.  With Bulgaria, we have become the most patient of waiters.  We have waited over a year now.  We are officially approved.  We are to be submitted any day now.  That is a huge step.  See, with every single country we've gone to, we've never done an official referral process.  We have always identified our kids from the get go from a waiting child's list.  The same is true this go around.  Bulgaria has a published special needs list.  Just b/c you pick the children you would like to see become part of your family does not necessarily mean you will end up with those children.  However, chances are highly likely especially if they are special needs children and older.  Anyhow, once submitted, we get our "official" referral.  With that, will come a travel date.  Since this is indeed an adoption blog, thought it was high time to update a few things.  As I mentioned, we will be submitted any day now.  All docs are in order and over there.  We redid our medicals so they would be up to date. They are good for only 6 months.  They are now good until May.  Our I800A approval is good until 2012.  So, we have some time w/ that too.  Most other docs do not expire.  Most, not all.  When you work with Bulgaria, you have an American adoption agency & also a Bulgarian agency.  An NGO(non-governmental organization).  Someone correct me if I'm wrong b/c I'm still learning about Bulgaria.  My terminology may be off.  My knowledge is much better w/ Russia & Serbia obviously.  The Bulgarian agency has said we will most likely travel in April or May.  Banking on April as the most likely travel date based on what others have been through when adopting from Bulgaria.  I am looking very forward to going to Bulgaria in the spring.  Playing with the kids outside, soaking up sun together, walking, etc.  I can picture it which makes the waiting that much more brutal on me.  It really does.  With all my other kids, the wait was so hard too.  This time though, even harder.  I know these kids need us.  I know they need to be home.  I know we can meet their needs once home.  I know we can love them.  Yet, despite all these things, I know we have to wait.  You go with the flow when you do an adoption.  Try not to bug the crap out of your adoption agency even though you want to write or call every day in the hopes of some semblance of news.  For newbies, please don't do that to your agency.  Really, they will let you know if something develops.  Mine always has.  I want to see pictures.  More pictures.  More details.  More than that though, I want to hold them in person.  Hug them, let them know it's okay.  Right now, this is nothing more than words on paper.  When you see them & touch them & hold them in person, it becomes a whole new feeling.  It's real.  I mean really real.  For me, the time it's real is when I'm on that plane taking off to JFK.  That's when it all hits me.  The emotions, the waiting game, everything.  It makes me want to jump out of that plane so fast.  LOL.  Isn't adoption kind of like going parachuting w/out a chute?  Everything is truly a leap of faith.

You keep busy during the wait, especially if you already have a family.  I mean life does keep moving.  Nothing slows down just b/c you're waiting on your child.   However, I think it is a bit different for an adoptive mom.  Bio moms typically will get a baby shower waiting on their new arrival.  Something that gives you a feeling of "it's real" & this child is indeed coming soon.  For adoptive parents, at least most of us I assume, don't have that shower or bit of celebration.  For me, that's okay.  With my first two kids coming home, we did have a shower at my work which was absolutely wonderful!  I was able to get clothing for the kids, toys, etc.  things that I didn't have.  Even though you are adopting kids, most of the time, you are still going to need things when they arrive home.  anyhow, getting sidetracked here.  What I originally meant to say is you have other people recognizing that wait when you are pregnant.  Not many will recognize the agony of the wait you have to endure during an adoption process.  Mostly I think b/c of the unknowns.  Others, let alone yourself, have NO unearthly idea when your child will arrive home.  During a pregnancy, you really do have a pretty good window of when you are going to have your child.

Maybe that is what is bugging me more than the wait lately...the unknowns.  Not knowing for certain when I'm going, not knowing for certain when they're coming home.  It gets to you.  It does.  I mean I know these are adoptions #8,#9, & #10 for us.  That does NOT make it any less significant.  These last 3 kids are just as important in my mind as my first two kids were.  Feelings of worry, anxiousness, happiness, sadness, all there.  Just like it was for the first two home.  The not knowing exactly when Max & Irina were coming home was awful.  I got a call at work one day to be on a plane in 3 days & in Russia!  Crazy.  Only to have to wait more. Our first adoption, our court date was rescheduled 5 times.  It became a running joke at the office as I'd say goodbye & be back the next day.

Sorry if this was so choppy.  I've had to start & stop a lot of things lately.  Trying to get caught up & back on track.  Today, we went to take Nik to the dentist.  They told us we were a month early... one month early.  Our appointment is March 23rd, not February 23rd.  Wasted gas.  And gas nowadays is more like gold.  LOL.  Don't want to waste it.  Irina went to the doctor.  Blood results should be tomorrow I hope.  Max's teacher called & he's actually ahead in assignments & doing great!  Now, we have a meeting w/ his math teacher tomorrow.  Somehow, I'm thinking that is not going to be as great as the other teacher's news.  But, we'll figure it out.  None of my FAS kids are really good at math.  They try & we try but there is that disconnect.  Just doesn't happen for them.  I have a feeling that is what is going on in Algebra for him.  We'll find out tomorrow.  Yana has been very disappointing lately.  Just a few minutes ago, I laid it all out for her.  Straight shooter.  We found that is what needs to be done with our FASers.  I came down hard on her.  Going to discuss the situation more this evening.  Will fill you in later as I think it's important for others to know the good & the bad of family life when you have kids w/ various special needs.  Again, more on it later as this has become wordy.  Warren is out this evening w/ a few friends.  Glad he can get out.  They chat tech stuff.  I'm out of that world for sure so happy he has friends that can talk about something other than kid stuff.  LOL.  Occasionally, I'll slip out for lunch w/ a friend or something like that.  Been awhile but it's great when we do go.  Got to go.  Made turkey, stuffing, & mashed potatoes this evening.  Waiting for the potatoes to finish boiling.

You have to boil them after my kids cut them on the floor.  LOL.  Again, we have tables, a bar area, counters, but this is the way they like to peel them.  Don't get it but the job gets done & floor gets cleaned up so I shouldn't complain.  More posts to come this evening.  Enjoy your night everyone.  I have so serious conversations happening with one RADish testing the limits. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm confused :o) You mean you don't know who your 3 are? We are adopting from Bulgaria too and we know our boys already.

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