Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Nik's surgery is tomorrow. I'm not worried about the surgery persay, just what happens to Nik this go around. This is the surgery that will indeed make him completely deaf. 100%. Both ears. no turning back. I can't say I'm not nervous about that. No longer will I be able to scream at him & him be able to hear me. Even if it is just noise to him at this point, at least he can still hear. In his one ear, he does have quite a bit of residual hearing left. Trouble is, it is complicated by his disorder of Auditory Neuropathy. He can hear but yet he can't. Older adults explained AN as having a tv station on all the time that is playing "snow." That kind of sound. I can not imagine that. I really can't. I'd want to rip my own head off. But, not this kid. He gets on w/ life and makes it work somehow. However, when we saw the change in Nik once the first implant started working, we knew this was something we needed to do w/ both years. Yet, as a parent, you know you are taking away your child's only source of hearing. When Nik does not have his processors on, he will be 100% deaf. He will rely every bit on ASL during those times. This part doesn't bother me at all. What bothers me is that at the times when the implant is off now, I can still call him in an "emergency situation" like when a car is coming. I can't do that and I need to become more aware of that in the future. We can get his attention now after a bath. He turns to us, we sign to him and then he does what we need him to. It will be different now. We will have to physically get his attention as he won't be able to turn around to us to see what we're saying. I'm not having second thoughts, don't get me wrong. I'm just thinking about it. But, I'm also thinking about the joy he'll have when he does have both his processors on and they're working together. Amazing the new stuff he'll enjoy. Do you know what he told me last night? He only has one more day till surgery and then he'll be able to hear the announcements at school. Yep, he wants to hear what they're saying on the intercom at school. Nik is SO incredibly excited about this surgery. He knows what to expect. He wants me to take pictures. LOL. He knows they are putting the device in but doesn't realize the processor comes a few weeks later. The external part of the device. The one that helps him hear. Trying to keep him grounded in reality that he won't be able to hear right after surgery. We'll see how that goes. Otherwise, he's ready for surgery and I'm ready for him to get surgery. We are hoping and praying this surgery goes a lot smoother than Bojan's did just 12 days ago. Bojan is at post-op right now. I have the day off. No kids here. I have gotten so much done already and just so happy to have the opportunity to get caught up on a few things. I will post how his surgery went tomorrow. Just keep Nik in your thoughts & prayers for tomorrow if you don't mind.