I have another son at home complaining he's Asian. URGHH!!! Another HUGE problem is many people at school calling her retarded. BTW, these are other kids in the SAME situation. Again, makes no sense as their academics is not the best either. Her behavior has changed at home b/c of this. So has Max's. Remember, Max is Asian so he gets teased too sometimes. And he's such an introvert, it doesn't help. He won't have any snazzy comebacks. now, if this were Bojan, he'd be right there w/ a joke comeback or something. But Max is more angry nowadays at everything. Frustrating. And, I know it's the school mess. The sooner I pull these kids from school, the better.
So, suggestions on how to handle things from here. I am hoping that after this Friday, I will have a clearer idea of time frames for many things. There are a few things brewing in the works that I have not made public quite yet & probably won't for awhile. Not bad things(actually, good things), just changes in general. It's not really the adoptions that are the reason I don't want to pull the kids yet. There are quite a few reasons that I can't go into right now. Meantime, I'm trying to keep them afloat so to speak at school. We are trying to do a few more family activities to help w/ things. Get their minds off things a bit. It does help b/c when they are here doing something w/ us, much happier. shoot, today we just went to Walmart & Big Lots. Had the "littles" w/ us as well today. Max & Irina do very well w/ other kids & their younger siblings. Keeps them occupied I think. I want to help Irina find a job but around here, there is not much out there especially, for new teens w/ disabilities. Plus, can't do a thing till we get her passport back & then straighten out her social security card.
Irina is struggling w/ being different. She knows she is but has a hard time understanding it all. Many of you reading this on in process of adopting special needs children who struggle w/ delays. It is a lifelong issue. It comes up at various stages in their life. Much easier to deal w/ when they are younger for sure. No one can understand why your almost 18 yo isn't driving yet or doesn't have a job yet. No one can understand why she may not behave quite like a woman that age would. No one can see the internal struggles she deals with daily. Irina does know she has brain damage from FAS. She knows this and works through it w/ me. Right now, she wants a guinea pig. Don't want to but she does have money to spend. And, I do think it would give her something to take care of and keep her mind busy with. She has a plant & does fine. But a moving, delicate creature may help too. who knows. We're carefully considering it.
It's very hard to deal w/ an issue that comes up w/ a child w/ FAS. They tend to not be very rational about things so you have to tip toe around things to get your point across. Seriously. Irina asked us today if she looked retarded.(Irina's word choice, NOT mine!) She said "you know, you can look at Alyona and tell there is something wrong w/ her. Is it the same for me?" Now, until this point, I honest to goodness never saw any of my kids as slow. I was shocked she said that about her sister as I've never looked at Alyona any other way than just my girlie girl. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a little girl. Same way I look at Irina...just a big girl who is growing up. They both have good & bad as does every other human being. I see them as my kids. I want Irina to see herself as a young woman with the world in front of her. Instead, she is seeing society notice her differently. If any of you know her personally and just want to write a quick note to her that would be wonderful. She loves getting mail SO much. She checks everyday even though she rarely gets anything. she used to have another FAS penpal but that kind of fizzled out. I know it is hard being a teen in general. But a teen w/ a disability must be the pits.
I'm contacting the school AGAIN tomorrow. I contacted them last week as well as the job coach. But, the racial slur stuff & everything else, we just found out about this past weekend from her. Let you all know what they say. Next post should be a little more upbeat. We did have a very productive & relaxing weekend. Will share later w/ pictures. For now, more papers for me to sign. Just felt I should share. I wanted this blog to be honest and about some of the major issues we face w/ children w/ various disabilities & abilities. It is real life. This is not a scripted movie for sure. Some days are tougher than others. Today was one of those days. Listening to your daughter struggle w/ who she is is very though. Especially, when you don't see her any differently than anyone else. Suggestions welcomed.