Monday, March 1, 2010

A daughter's wish

As you all know, I have been organizing quite a bit lately.  Well, I came across a piece yesterday and it was written by Irina.  I am going to write it exactly as she did.  I think it says a lot & give you my thoughts on it at the end.  Here goes:

Wish #1

If I could grant a wish to someone then I would grant the wish to my mom.  My mom really wants a baby on her own.  She wants a boy or a girl.  I want her to have a girl because we already have too many stupid boys.  It think she would be a lot happier if she had her own baby.  I would feel jealous if she had a baby because when the baby grows up, then she or he would brag that she or he has a birthmom here in his or her mom's arms.  That's who I would give a wish to.  My mom would thank me if I was a wish master.  I love my mom SOOOO much even if she's mad at me.  Love:  Irina Boyd  

This paper was dated 3/19/09.  I had forgotten completely about it.  How self-less of my child for her wish to be for someone else.  She did not wish for stuff or anything for herself.  She wanted me to have a baby.  Yet, I see now in this paper why we do not have any children biologically.  If we did, the sentiments are here that she would be jealous.  I think with all of them being adopted, they feel loved the same way.  I would hope they'd feel that way even if we did have a biological child. I hear many families w/ both bio & adopted children everyday.  However, I think b/c of my kids' mental disabilities, they see things in a different light.  Being that all of them are adopted, it is a little less complicated for them all.  Hope that made sense.  Right now, my older kids get a lot of "what happened to your "real mom " in school type of stuff.  They are learning how to handle that.  Irina is our oldest and quite a compassionate person.  I think this wish demonstrates that completely.  

My kids are always a part of the adoption process.  This time is no exception.  They are slowly learning about Bulgaria.  Later, I will introduce basic language.  It helps them to mesh w/ new sibs when they know a few words.  They all know where Bulgaria is on a map and how near or far it is to their country of birth.  I like them to learn a little about each country we've adopted from.  IRina has longed to know her birthmother or at least a little more about her.  Irina was abandoned at the hospital w/ false names given.  There is no way of ever finding her family & we've made this very clear to her.  It does not take away the desire to wish that she knew her.  I think that is where some of hte jealously comes in to play in this letter regarding a birth sibling(if I ever gave birth).  I wish I could give her the gift of at least knowing something about her birhtmother.  But I can't.  All I can do is love her and show her that I am her "real mom."  I must say, I do like her wish.  I feel that she does love me and we have definitely attached.  She's been home for 10 years now.  Our first adopted.  I can say though, she feels like my "real" daughter for sure.  I think if I have ever had a bio child, my love for my adopted children would remain the same.  I just hope I can make that point clear to my children.  The point being that they are MY chldren whether they are adopted or biological.  It's the same kind of love.  One day, I want Irina to not have the fear of jealousy of a bio sib.  I wnat her to know that my love is here to stay.  I think it is odd though that Irina is for another sibling that is adopted but very hesitant of a bio sib.  I can honestly say I try to understand it all.  I am learning as an adoptive parent and as a parent of teens.  Life is never cut and dry.  And you know what, that is okay.  Alright, the next few posts better get more light hearted.  Too many serious posts lately.  Time for some fun.  Fun post(or at least I hope) coming tomorrow!  Do your adopted kids feel differently around bio sibs?  Just curious.  May be able to apply some new knowledge.  Thanks.

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