Saturday, February 20, 2010

Wanting waiting children & some waiting children

Hello all.  First off, it has been a L-O-N-G week here at Chaos Manor.  It truly has.  Though I haven't reported everything here, suffice it to say we have been pushed to our parenting limits and RAD reared it's head again.  We're back on track.  This happens, I"m used to it.  Doesn't make it any easier if one of them is in that RAD rage mode, but we know it does get better so we keep on.  However, it is very emotionally draining when one of these episodes happen.  For that reason and others, we actually missed our Upwards Games today.  The kids love going, we enjoy it, but we were just plain exhausted.  Poor Warren has been at work today since early morning and is still there.  It's Saturday btw.  He's hoping to leave at 5 but who knows.  Could be midnight before he gets home tonight.  We decided to stay home and super clean today.  Tell you all about that later.  Right now, I wanted to focus on what is called waiting children.

Waiting children are typically special needs children in the adoption world.  These can be children w/ physical or mental disabilities, sibling groups, older children etc.  Some call them hard to place children but most will call them waiting children.  Almost always these children have reduced fees.  Sometimes, significantly reduced fees.  We have adopted all waiting children.  The reasons someone wants a waiting child are totally different for each family.  For us in the beginning of our adoption journeys, it was the reduced fees that were appealing to us for waiting children.  However, once we got Irina and Max home, we could see there was something deeper to wanting a waiting child.  There was something special that you couldn't quite put your finger on.  Next set of children we hosted.  Then Bojan came and he was a waiting child w/ a physical disability.  Never thought I could parent a child like "that."  Wrong again.  Something changed in us while in Serbia.  We grew as people , as parents.  We learned there was something "more" to this waiting child thing.  These were normal children just wanting a home. Nothing more, nothing less.  We met a child that we simply adored w/ Cerbal Palsy there.  Opened our eyes that there are many children just set aside that no one sees, no one wants b/c of their disabilities.  They are just truly waiting children.  Well, we wanted the children.  We wanted waiting children.  In ours eyes we saw they could be normal members of our family.  I think our eyes needed to be opened.  I know there are many other families in the world whose eyes just need a glmipse of these waiting children so they too can take that leap of faith.  Part of our blog I hope will do that.  I see SO, SO many pass up on FAS children.  So many won't go near them.  Ashame I feel.  I feel shame b/c at one time I would not even consider one of "those" kids.  Many times social workers (though intentions are good) will scare PAP's about FAS and RAD.  then, when an oportunity is there, the parent is very terrified.  I'm not saying take these disorders lightly by any means.  I'm just saying there are some folks out there that can handle these type of waiting children.  They just don't know it yet.  They need to be given that chance.  There are so, so many children that are waiting children that just want to be wanted waiting children.   They want that chance.  There are so many organizations and websites to help w/ this.  People just need to know about them.   I try my best to advocate for children when they need homes.  Samuel was one of those children.  He has a family that stepped forward for him.  He will be a wanted child in a family this year.  All because someone wanted a waiting child.  these kids don't have a voice but I sure am going to try to be their voice.  There are disorders in this house that I never thought of or even knew existed for that matter before my kids came home.  Some of the disorders or dx's I have dealt with or will be dealing w/ when the other children come home are:  FAS, RAD, PTSD, OCD, missing limbs, clubfoot, microcephaly, asthma, epilespy, anemia, auditory neuropathy(deafness form), retinitis pigmentosa(going blind), ONH(optic nerve hypoplasia, radial articulation, develmpoemtnal delays, sensory integration, failure to thrive, delayed bone growth, possible dwarfism, eczema, missing part of the brain, one kidney, ODD, and too many other disabilities, labels to think of.  Now, if you had told me years ago I would adopt children w/ these labels, I would have walked out the door.  Shut that door and sealed it off--LOL.  But here we are...wanting the waiting children.  They deserve a home just as much as anyone else.  Most of the time, you learn how to parent a child w/ a disability as you go along.  Just the way it is.  You don't automatically come equipped but you CAN learn.  Shoot, my husband can fix Bojan's prosthetic now and I can name all parts to Nik's implant.  We know what happens if one of our FASers runs out of meds.  You learn.  Just as you would learn if your bio child was born with a disability.  Now, I do understand everyone has limits and that is another post in and of itself.  But for now, I 'm talking to those who are just a bit intimidated of the unknowns.  I've been there.  I get it.  Trust me when I tell you you'll never know until you try.  take that leap fo faith to adopt a waiting child.  They do add so much to your life.  However, I say this not to be taken lightly.  You also have to research the need of the child.  We do this with every adoption.  Talk with people who've dealt w/ that particuiar need and let them educate you.  There is no such thing as a stupid question.  I looked up and asked about selective mutism before we adopted Nik.  That was his first original diagnosis on his medical.  Many of these needs that seem so dramatic are really not all that dramatic at all.  My son is missing a leg.  So what.  Right now, he is spending the night at a friend's house and then they're headed on over to Monkey Joe's to bounce around for awhile at a fun center.  Doesn't sound like he's missing out on regular kid fun does it?  He would have been had someone not wanted that waiting child.  There are many waiting children just wanting someone to take a chance on them.  Take that leap of faith and jump on in.  Your eyes will be opened like never before.  Trust me.  I was one of those skeptics who said I could never parent a child like "that."  No, not me.  I'm not meant to do that.  Glad it's that parent and not me.  I don't think that way anymore.  And I'm just being honest here b/c I'm sure that there are people on here that used to think the way I did.  That I could not do it.  That someone else was better equipped at that job.  those kids did not want me.  Well, that is not true.  YOU CAN do it!  YOU ARE equipped.  Those kids DO WANT you!!  There comes a point when you realize you need each other.  Waiting children need you as much as you need them.  So, with all that being said, I must tell you about a few waiting children we've had on here that still need that waiting family. 

Baby boy-- due in 3 weeks w/ alcohol exposure.  Need a family w/ a completed homestudy.  A post was done just about 2 days ago that you can look at for more details.

Harry-- Oh this is a VERY special child who beat the odds.  He is excelling in school now and just overall doing fantastic.  He is healthy and ready for a family.  His country acccepts singles as well.  2 short trips of about 5 days.  He is 7 years old. 

Sebastian-- 9yo boy that has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen!  Not kidding.  This child is just absolutely handsome.  He had frequent infections (respiratory) as a child up till age 3yo.  He has bilateral deafness.  100% deafness is what we are told.  Said to wear digital hearing aids and attends a special school for damaged hearing.  Singles are accepted in this country. 

There is a great website as well that has some urgent waiting children.  These children are from Eastern Europe.  Some Ukraine, Russia, Serbia, etc.  Some have VERY reduced fees and some only one trip.  A few kids on there have the reduced fees and only one trip of about 2 weeks.  Babies on up to teens. Here's the site: .  Take a peek at some of these great looking kids.  Photos are on there but most have more pictures available. -- this is an agency that has a list of kids available for adoption. link that has children listed from various countries is a list of chidlren available in the US is a list of children available in the NW United States list of children available from all over the world list of children available in various countries w/ grants site focuses on Down Syndrome but they have tons of other special needs children available as well

Okay, so no one better say there are no children out there.  I gave a few lists of waiting children.  Yes, there are a ton more.  Do check some of htem out.  Nowany questions on the kids I named such as the baby, Harry or Sebastian, please do contact me personally at .  thanks for listening to such a long post.  Lots to say as usual.  I'll write more tomorrow after we've worked outside a bit on the yard.  Need some fresh air.  Supposed to be a gogeous day.  Slowly, we'll get the yard prepped for spring.  Till tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. Love Love Love this post Stephanie! Exactly how we feel! I have been looking at KTA's waiting children and Rainbow Kids. I am so tired of waiting on funds to complete our home study! We are soooo ready NOW! Anyway - blessings to you and your wonderful family.I am going to check out a couple of the sites you have listed that I have never visited. Kelli