Saturday, January 9, 2010

A day in the life...

I thought since this blog does a lot of talk of adoption and such, I would just pick a typical day here and go with it.  Yesterday  was Friday.  The day starts off being out of routine b/c school gets delayed two hours for .....rain.  No snow as predicted, just cold rain.  Kids were trying to figure out when they were supposed to leave.  Just couldn't grab the concept of having to leave 2 hours after you'd normally leave.  Simple, yet for them, complex.  FAS children do not understand abstract concepts.  This is a given.  After much, much explaining, they were on their way.  So, I finally get them all out the door at 10 am.  Books..check, lunches made...check, African drum project...check.  Oh wait, no kindergarten snowman...bummer.  Ahh, second chances.  Not due until Monday.  Phew.  Since I have a "free" day, I schedule all appointments, take care of some volunteer work, do some stuff online, make cakes, prepare for Bojan's party, clean up and just general housework.  I know, not exciting.

Let me back up for a second though.  I don't want all of you to think that this is all roses at this's not.  Being honest here.  Alex, one of our RADishes, was spending too much time upstairs.  Red flags went up for us as parents.  See, children with RAD have some serious issues.  I will discuss RAD(reactive attachment disorder) in depth one day.  Though not an expert, I do have children, 2 of them, with this disorder.  They will indeed look "normal" to others but suffer internal emotional traumas like you would not believe.  One thing many RADishes do is try to take things w/out asking.  Stealing.  For Alex though, he is desperate for jeans.  Again, having to back up to explain a few things.  My boys have been put on the 7-7-7 rule in our house again.  RAD/ FAS kids typically can not handle too much "stuff" at one time & this includes clothing.  So, to help w/ this problem(or when their room stays trashed with clothes for weeks months at a time, we tell them 7-7-7 and they know what that means.  They are reduced to 7 clothing items a piece.  7 pants, 7 shirts, 7 long- sleeve shirts, etc.  They are the ones who pick out what they want.  It works.  It honestly works.  And you know what, Alex was SO happy when we did this the next day he said to me "mom, it is SOO much easier to find my clothes!"  His anger of having to get rid of the rest of the clothes soon disapated.  Back to the story.  Alex was mad yesterday morning b/c I knew he was up to something upstairs.  Plus, rule is backpacks remain downstairs & at random, I'll do checks.  Sounds a bit like "policing" but w/ this bunch, you need to be careful.  For example, Max had gotten a pocketknife from someone (can't remember whom) & wanted to take it to school & show his friends.  This would have gotten him expelled even though it was totally innocent.  American schools have gone watch dog crazy & rather over protective w/ the stupid zero tolerance policy.  Don't get me started on that one.  My friend had her son build a gun out of legos in PRE-Kindergarten.  They wanted to kick him out!  He was modeling his dad w/ the gun... a police officer.  I digress, sorry about that.  So, I took Max's knife that day & probably saved his school career at that point.  Back to Alex though.  I did a backpack check.  Sure enough, he took Bojan's jeans & sweatshirt & was going to change when he got to school.  Sneaky little turkey.  He got caught.  It didn't belong to him so in this house, we consider that stealing.  He had to write an apology to Bojan and then do a punishment chore.  That was my morning.

Kids came home.  I hear of all kinds of garbage going on at the high school & contemplate pulling IRina out to homeschool her again.  I'm torn for many reasons.  Well, I'm doing some more decorating for the party & Irina said "come quick, Yana's changing in the front yard!"  URGHH.  Again, have to back up for one of my RADishes.  I wouldn't let Yana wear 2 shirts to school that morning because it literally looked like she painted them on her skin.  It was ridiculous!  Made her take them off & change into something more appropriate.  She complied...reluctantly.  Pants were fine, or so I thought.  What I did NOT know is she hid some in her backpack AFTER I had done her backpack check.  Ticked me off.  So, what she did was change into beyond skin tight jeans & then on the way home was putting her pants(the ones I okayed that morning) on as she's coming up the walkway.  When she was busted, she said "it's b/c it's cold outside."  Umm, then shouldn't you have had on both pairs all day & not just now?  Jeans went into the garbage immediately and I still have yet to decide on her punishment chore.  Though, we are going through all clothing items tonight.  She has plenty so it may take awhile.

Kids start coming over for the party.  now, we are flexible here, you have to be since you're outnumbered.  Kids start arriving for bojan's party.  Originally, it was supposed to be 2 boys spending the night.  Turned into 5 boys coming over & 1 girl for the girls.  fine.  So, 5 of them end up spending the night.  Oy!  12 kids here ALL hyped up on sugar.  I know it is just 2 more than what we'll have here in a few months but geez, my kids will not be hyped up on sugar and junk.  Loud is an understatement for last night.  We had Alyona spill a full cup of milk as Bojan is opening presents.  We had one kid bleed b/ c he stubbed his toe on another kid's dart gun.  don't ask.  Nik broke the air hockey table(MAD about this one!), boys smeared cake all over their face & bodies, and Irina pierced her cartiledge of her ear!.  I could go through the whole list but won't bore you.  I'm disappointed in Irina, my oldest who pierced her ear.  We made her take it out & she had to get in trouble and swallow her pride while her friends were here.  Rules in this house are the same for everyone.  Don't care how old or who you are.  As Bill Cosby once said "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"  So true.  We are the parents and have rules set for our children that we feel are appropriate for their age...mental age taken into consideration as well here.  She is 17yo, but more like 12yo.  Nik was made to do punishment chores and was crying the whole time.  Good.  He got the point I was mad he busted the air hockey table.  I should have just let the other kids have at him--LOL.  No, that would have been too mean a bit.  Despite all this, I realized last night my kids do have good manners and are for the most part well-behaved(when not high on junk food & sugar).  The amount of lack of manners from some of the guests made me cringe.  Even my older girls were taken a back by some of the whining, lack of respect and lack of manners.  Crazy.  I told one after he screamed at Yana "give me the syrup," do you know what the word please is??  URGHH.  So, no more sleepovers for quite awhile.  It was a very late, late night for all of us.  Hence, no posts from me in awhile.  Today, we woke up and got the kids out early as we were supposed to go to my inlaws for a belated Christmas.  We ask 'C' what is on  your sleeping bag?  Can you guess???  yep, vomit.  Someone had thrown up.  Finally figured out it was Alex.  He threw up from the top bunk onto 'C's sleeping bad while he slept.  Yuck.  Alex woke up not feeling well but no fever.  Again, junk food induced we assumed.  Canceled our trip until tomorrow.  Glad we did as Alex got sick again after lunch time.  He can now hold stuff down & is getting back on his normal diet.  See, the only time we really have junk food or goodies here is during parties or special ocassions.  My kids aren't used to the mass quantities of it.  Alex is back up & running around.  Yeh.  So, we all tried to veg out and recover today.  Clean up too.  So, that is pretty much a normal day around here.

We have stuff that gets broken here almost daily.  Yeh, our therapist one year thought we were making it up too.  The next week when she came to the house, I gave her a list of what got broken and by whom the previous week.  She never thought I was exaggerating again--LOL.  This week, we did good, all things considered.  We had a soup bowl break, an antique green glass, the decking by our back porch(not really's rotting), an air hockey table, a dart gun, another glass break and I don't remember what else.  We are flexible and have to be.  Most things that break are indeed an accident.  But, b/c ours also have FAS, there is NO cause and effect thinking.  So, even though I've told them a gazillon times do NOT put ice cold water in a glass right after the dishwasher, they still do it & it of course breaks.  Almost all our cups and bowls are now plastic.  Solves the problem. With FAS kids, you always find an alternative.  It helps. 

Now, getting ready to pick up meds. Oops, never finished this post earlier.  Warren and I took a nice long walk and kids did okay for a bit.  Tomorrow, we are celebrating a belated Christmas with Warren's parents.  Going to be hard to settle them down after that and get them ready for school but we'll manage.  With kids, you have to be flexible.  Does not matter if they are bio, adopted, or special needs.  Just be flexible as parents and you'll do just fine.

My camera...URGHH!!!  Called and they are out of stock.  So, he said call back in 3 or 4 days and he'll order us one.  Okie dokie.  So, looks like Wednesday before we have a camera now.  Still grainy pictures folks so sorry about that.  One day, you'll see my kids clearly again.  So, just took you through a very boring day here at Chaos Manor.  One day I'll post more exciting events.  Pictures to come soon even though they'll be grainy/ blurry. 

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