Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  Normally, I'd be in bed soon.  Dummy me started making cookies..pumpkin cookies.  I swear we had baking powder.  Nope.  But, we have a Walmart and I have a VERY sweet husband.  Secretly though, I think he may want something to drink other than water or tea.  LOL.  Our Walmart is now 4 minutes away from our house so makes it a quick trip.  I can't sleep much anyhow.  Wicked chest cold.  But, still looking forward to our Thanksgiving meal tomorrow.  Which brings me to why I'm writing.  For those reading this who are not used to the adoption process or how this all works, let me explain about my feelings for my kids.  Yes, I call them MY kids.  Just as anyone who is pregnant w/ their child would say this is my child growing in me, not just this thing or inanimate object.  These kids have names.  Okay, so we still have only named Roman, the boy.  The girls we are just still tossing around names.  Anyhow, the moment you agree to adopt these kids and are aware of them, they become "yours."  Plain and simple.  Same as a pregnancy... the child is yours.  What is hard for me this Thanksgiving is I'm thinking of my kids in an orphanage in Bulgaria.  Wanting so desperately for them to come home but know in my heart it takes time.  Shoot, I've done this process a few times before, you'd think I'd be used to it.  No, I'm not.  I want my kids.  I want my kids to sit at the dining room table tomorrow with a big turkey on it.  I want to hear them laugh and have that sparkle in their eyes as they see piles of desserts that they are indeed allowed to eat.  I want them to go up & hug their relatives that they haven't seen for awhile.  I want the same thing for my kids in Bulgaria, that I want for my kids that have already arrived home forever.  There are so many things that I can't wait to teach my kids and to see them do.  Just because they are an ocean away, doesn't mean I don't think of them.  I think of them daily.  This makes me want to jump on that paperwork even faster.  Watch out Friday!  We're getting things mailed off, getting things done and getting this show on the road as they say.  I've lined up another fundraiser and will ask for advice on a few more.  I've checked into grants.  For now, all I want is to make sure my kids are eating a nutritious meal as we feast on ours tomorrow.  I can't help but feel a bit guilty.  Shouldn't , I know.  As a mother though, I do feel that guilt that I can't help them right now being a world away.  I'm almost positive they will be sitting at the table a year from now with us next Thanksgiving.  Won't that be wonderful?!  These are the things I focus on.  It helps to picture them here.  REally does.  I know these three children coming home absolutely belong with this bunch.  I can already picture Alyona playing baby dolls w/ her younger sisters.  Alex has already told me what he's going to teach Roman.  Bojan has said he'd teach Roman how to walk if he has to get a prosthetic.  They all are fighting over who is going to sit by whom.  My kids do this every time we add more kids to the family.  Trust me, that new sibling happiness wears off quickly once they bond & are just regular brothers & sisters battling it out for the best chair or toy.  It may take a bit to get them home but everythign we do, we'll do for them.  They are just as much a part of our family on this Thanksgiving Day as my other seven children that are asleep in a soft bed.  I've said goodnight to my kids here, I always do.  Now, I say goodnight a different way to my three kids waiting for their parents halfway around the world.  We love you sweet little ones and can barely stand the wait.  So, I leave you all with a poem that I absolutely love.  Hope you like it too.  It is Kisses in the Wind:

Kisses in The Wind

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that’s how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are… what’s taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin…
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you , my darling, I’m doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you’ll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.
Have a very Happy Thanksgiving.  Say a special thought or prayer for all the orphans left behind and those waiting for their parents.  May their bellies be full and their hearts be warmed. 

1 comment:

  1. I have just found your blog and started reading from the beginning. Our adoption was 3 years ago and I too called her my daughter from the moment I saw her pictures. During a fundraiser, a store clerk asked me what it was for and I clearly remember telling her "So I can bring my daughter home. She's in Russia now but belongs with me."

    Looking forward to catching up and following your amazing family.